My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
