Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
