Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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