One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
