She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
