omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
