Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
