Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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