So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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