This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
