I'm jealous of your bromance
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
