i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
