Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
