I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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