your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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