i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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