Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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