I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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