i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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