I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
