he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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