some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
