I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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