then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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