and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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