New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
