My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
