PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just google imaged poop.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
