I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
