found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
