I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
