Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
