Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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