id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
