She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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