I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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