Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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