Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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