i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
