I cockslap morals
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Green mimosas i think yes
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
