Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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