Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
