i would punch a child for taco bell
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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