I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
