I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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