At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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