Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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