You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
