He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
this hospital has no fireball
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
