I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i think i have two assholes
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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