we have pet lesbian snakes
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
