I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
